Author Archives: Dan Bain

About Dan Bain

Dan is an award-winning humorist, features writer, emcee and entertainer from Raleigh, NC. His collection of humor essays, A Nay for Effort, has earned him fans from one end of his couch to the other. Why not join them and buy one? (You won't have to sit on his couch.) Dan will donate 10 percent of the book's proceeds to education. You can check it out at; thanks!

Interlude 1: The candles are burning low

When I was very young, one of my older sisters began dating a Jewish boy. I’d never heard of Judaism prior to that, and didn’t learn much about it until I was much older — other than one important detail … Continue reading

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The third song of Christmas: Not a who, but a what

For an indeterminate amount of time in my memories of that period in my life, my older brother Walter set up a music station in the corner of our dining room. He had a turntable, headphones, and scads of LPs … Continue reading

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The second song of Christmas: Drifted snow

The original is the best-selling single of all time, as recorded by one of the greatest crooners of all time. I can respect that, but there’s something to be said for a band that can cover a beloved standard and … Continue reading

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The first song of Christmas: The gold standard

Every November, the stacking would begin. We would pull the old Christmas LPs out of the storage compartment of the antique radio and out of the messy existing stack on the bottommost inset shelf in the wall in the corner … Continue reading

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Prelude: Twelve songs of Christmas

They say music tames the savage beast. Whoever “they” are, they got the quote wrong. It was actually, “Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast.” Somehow, they mistook a breast for a beast. They’re stupid. Perhaps you can tell … Continue reading

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Asses and allies

How should guys help a woman when another guy just won’t leave her alone? Continue reading

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Blue year’s day: A resolution revolution

(“Bain’s Beat” reprinted from the November-December 2016 issue of Midtown Magazine.) If you ask me, the holidays come at the wrong time of year. And we can’t even describe that time correctly. When are “the holidays?” For many, this phrase … Continue reading

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