Author Archives: Dan Bain

About Dan Bain

Dan is an award-winning humorist, features writer, emcee and entertainer from Raleigh, NC. His collection of humor essays, A Nay for Effort, has earned him fans from one end of his couch to the other. Why not join them and buy one? (You won't have to sit on his couch.) Dan will donate 10 percent of the book's proceeds to education. You can check it out at www.danbain.net; thanks!

Blue year’s day: A resolution revolution

(“Bain’s Beat” reprinted from the November-December 2016 issue of Midtown Magazine.) If you ask me, the holidays come at the wrong time of year. And we can’t even describe that time correctly. When are “the holidays?” For many, this phrase … Continue reading

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“I got a Rocky.”

Best trick-or-treat of the night – two teen girls on foot, with a third one in a motorized wheelchair. I think she has cerebral palsy. I had been letting Rocky, our shih tzu, run out onto the front porch every … Continue reading

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Mother, by numbers

At nearly 12,000 words, the following is easily the longest blog entry I’ve ever written. I wrote the three parts at three different times. I don’t expect anyone to read all of it, and even if someone does, I don’t … Continue reading

Posted in Bathroom Humor, Family, Mother's Day | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Blue Moon on Monday

My wife has loved Duran Duran since they broke through the American music scene in the early 1980s. If I’m being honest, I’ve been a fan since then, too — although I’ve been loathe to admit it ever since being teased … Continue reading

Posted in Family, Hassles, Health, Life and How to Live It, Parenting, The Kids, The Wife | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Trump, or One of those times I wish I had a band

[Sung to the tune of The Presidents of the United States of America’s “Lump.”] Trump stood overhead, looking red-faced and harsh, Totally emotionless – no sign of any heart. Hate flowed down out of Trump’s orifice! We’re totally confused; please … Continue reading

Posted in Bathroom Humor, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Unhappy mediums

Last week, a 25-year-old lost her job at Yelp after posting a letter to her CEO on medium.com, essentially sharing her story of struggling to survive on inadequate wages. The story was moving, but as it made the social media rounds, it … Continue reading

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Super Bowl ‘ell

[As published in the January-February issue of Midtown Magazine.] Panthers fans, here’s hoping by the time you read this, our as-yet-undefeated team has come even closer to playing in the Super Bowl out in San Francisco’s Levi’s Stadium. This is … Continue reading

Posted in Bain's Beat, Life and How to Live It, Sports | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments