Father bother

Kim flew out of town this morning and my first day taking care of the boys, I:

  • forced them to come to my office, where they sat on the floor of a cube grid and played their DSIs for six hours;
  • gave them seven lollipops, a Kit-Kat bar, a bag of M&Ms, two bags of Scooby Snacks, a Twix bar, uncounted jelly beans and a handful of Trix;
  • let them play the Wii for three hours after we got home; and
  • fell asleep on the couch, where they had to wake me up to beg for their dinner 15 minutes before their bedtime.

I think I’m a lock for Father of the Year….

About Dan Bain

Dan is an award-winning humorist, features writer, emcee and entertainer from Raleigh, NC. His collection of humor essays, A Nay for Effort, has earned him fans from one end of his couch to the other. Why not join them and buy one? (You won't have to sit on his couch.) Dan will donate 10 percent of the book's proceeds to education. You can check it out at www.danbain.net; thanks!
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2 Responses to Father bother

  1. Posky says:

    I’m for this brand of dadsmanship.

    Children should always have a weird distance between them and their father. He should be approachable but always just out of reach (both emotionally and physically). I remember that my dad would appear for meals before returning to building a rocket in the backyard or rebuilding the house while we lived in it. Going to his work, helping him do something or watching a film was a rare treat and made him seem like a god.

    Don’t bother getting super close and being available to your kids until they are older and you have more time. As a man, I now understand that my father likely never wanted me and only agreed to my existence as a way to achieve solidarity with my mother. It was a pretty shrewd move on his part.

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