Stop making spectacles of yourselves

Okay, revelers. You’ve had your fun. It needs to stop now. I’ve been looking forward to this night for two decades — until I found out you’re still not finished with tormenting me. Why, people? Why??

By all accounts, it should have stopped last year, yet you still found a way to make it linger. I thought surely this would be the year, especially with no more doubles or repeats intrinsic in the structure. It’s the natural way of things — the pattern no longer fits, so the trend should have died. But no. You just weren’t willing to let it go, were you?

To think, I was actually looking forward to tonight. Now I guess I’ll just turn in early, instead. I suppose I’ll have to do so every year from now on, since you apparently don’t care if the numbers fit the joke.

It might have been cute the first time — although I doubt it — but can we agree there’s no longer anything novel about this novelty?

Sigh. Some bad jokes just refuse to die….

About Dan Bain

Dan is an award-winning humorist, features writer, emcee and entertainer from Raleigh, NC. His collection of humor essays, A Nay for Effort, has earned him fans from one end of his couch to the other. Why not join them and buy one? (You won't have to sit on his couch.) Dan will donate 10 percent of the book's proceeds to education. You can check it out at; thanks!
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